As January brings snow and a new job... I find my self on a bleak page. The moments I grasp at home are cosy, between my current companion - a book, 'A Discovery of Witches', my cats and comforting suppers... Yet, I am sadly loathing the new job. A promise of colourful and creative horizons has been replaced with slogging my guts out and using up my energy lugging paint cans, up and down ladders, working in freezing, dusty conditions and being treated like a Trojan horse. Except, the horse was wooden and it is likely that it felt no physical pain. I have bruises, cuts, aches and awaken each morning feeling like I have been trampled upon by buffaloes. Of course, this is some kind of endurance test, it must be... Preparation for my quest? Who knows... I am an expert at talking myself in to the wrong job. "We are looking for someone artistic and with an eye for colour..." This is why I talked myself in to the position... Right up my avenue. Alas, fooled again. So... The search continues. Boy, working to earn a living truly gets in the way of life.
Yes, me and jobs... likened to oil and water. I have had more jobs than I care to mention. Some have been great opportunities where I have met amazing characters, celebrities, ballerinas, the rich and the famous. Somehow, though, I lose faith in myself and my abilities and get bored. I am quite lazy at times and feel sad when unable to utilise my talents. When that sadness creeps in... Work becomes arduous and... Without inspiration and my 'child - like' enthusiasm... The light goes out.
In my latest role of dogs body, I have been physically drained and feel exasperated. The spark flickered at the beginning but the fuel has negated.
As I return to my warm home, I am reminded of the reason to keep slogging. Also, The need to continue visualising goals... Which are gradually becoming more realistic. Then, remembering a quote... "You are defined by who you are... Your thoughts and dreams... Not by the job you do".
Tomorrow is a new chapter... As the sun rises.. so will I...