Sunday, 3 June 2012

Quest For Self...



Photo by Helen Ratcliff


Sadly, I do not know the name of the flower in the picture above. However, the scent was so strong that I was drawn towards the tree and just had to photograph the pure source of perfume filling the air. I think it may be related to the tuber rose or, even, gardenia. the white succulent petals remind me of them and the scent was a heady, sweet, aroma, which really had my senses all in a delicious frenzy. Then, I noticed a true relative of the rose family...





Dog Rose by Helen Ratcliff

This, by comparison, was delicate, soft and unassuming. Scented but not shouting... Back - lit by the early evening sun, whispering gently.... innocent and wild beauty.
 So... Quest for self. What on earth is she talking about now? She....err... I, me, self. Yes, in search.... a quest! A few months ago, It was recommended to me to read 'The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.  I avidly printed off sheets of A4 covered in quotes from the above - named author. At last! The answers to life, a revelation, I am here because... And, so on. Well, here are a few examples - I quote, " You are the one who calls the law of attraction into action, and you do it through your thoughts." Err..oh, "You will attract everything that you require... You're going to be attracted to things and they're are going to be attracted to you". Okay, interesting... "Ask once, believe you have received, and all you have to do to receive is feel good." Sounds pretty easy and straight forward, don't you think? I thought so...
 Then, I began the mission to accomplish all the things not yet achieved by my good self. Well, then it got me thinking about the bad stuff such as not being the perfect Sister, Daughter, employee, person. Negativity was seeping in through the cracks, becoming more and more influential to my very existence. Not hearing from potential employers, tough love from the family, a pigeon crapping on my shoulder whilst out walking, falling over whilst crossing a really busy road and quietly sobbing all the way home...
 However, something kept me going and is still. I do believe that there is something in the law of attraction. It is definitely a test of strength of mind. Of being the 'top cat' in your own life. Making your own luck by being truthful and positive. Now, I find it difficult to keep focused on my goals. Especially when there is always someone or something to remind you of your failures... pulling you in... like the heady scent.
 As a young teenager, I had many dreams of being something extraordinary. Not unlike most teenage girls. Yet, negligence can be a result of addiction. I was the daughter of a very dear, kind, generous and sensitive woman, who enjoyed a tipple, a little too frequently. For some time it was her respite from a life she did not dream of as a little girl. She longed for romance and an easier journey... Unfortunately, I think her drinking sometimes disabled her and was all consuming. At times... Although, always present for her family in the physical sense, not necessarily able to engage, show interest, respond or give attention, when needed, in the mental or emotional sense. Without wishing to appear ungrateful or cruel, I do think I am a product of my Mother's weakness. I have always found it hard to succeed and commit. I am easily distracted and able to disengage from reality.... There, I've said it... phew, exasperated!
 So... this has me thinking again, past catching up to be forgiven... I have. My Mother was a beautiful, nurturing, soft, innocent woman... a little like the Dog Rose (wild rose). She loved, cared and healed.... that was her role.
 I have learned in reflection of the past few months, that I have been blessed with "time". To appreciate one of my favourite things, which always makes me happy and grateful. The 'on - going' subtle miracles of nature. I have been able to stop and witness the details. The splendour of late spring and early summer.... The unique and natural perfumes of short - lived blossoms, The playfulness of a twilight bat, the surprise visitor in the garden... A woodpecker! (I had never seen one in real life before). Not forgetting the jumping fish chasing mayflies and, of course, the goose family. I have new friends in the house, who have given unexpected support during my time of change. And, always a constant in my life, there, giving unconditional love and affection... Jaffa and Otto, my feline companions.
 Perhaps, then, my attraction to nature, has indeed, made me the attraction to these creatures. It is, after all, the law... The law of nature.
 Let us forget and forgive. There is only one law for me and it's a positive one... I am now feeling good and patiently waiting to receive...


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